Are you ready America? Are you ready to revisit that trainwreck that was the YouTube audition show last year? Sure, we got Jackie Evancho singing songs well beyond her years, but we also got a dog who sat onstage for 90 seconds and did NOTHING. It was glorious.
Tonight, I’ll be recapping the show AND posting the YouTube audition that got the contestants here. Am I crazy? Yes. Yes I am. That’s a whole lot of live formatting. I do it all for you.
Chime in at any time with your own thoughts. I really enjoy it. The commiserating last week over Kinetic King made me feel a little better about what happened.
Up first tonight is TNC Elite. They are a fusion clogging crew. I wasn’t particularly impressed by their audition video. It’s just so slow.
The stage is a library and they’re dressed as nerds. They’re doing a slowed-down version of “I Gotta Feeling” by The Black Eyed Peas. They confirm everything I thought about their YouTube video: they’re slow cloggers. We’ve had much better cloggers on the show in the past. They’re also stuck with goofy plastered smiles on their faces and a sincere lack of energy. This is not how you sell America on clogging. Their a capella at the end is much better than their performance with music. I say too little too late. No X’s.
Second tonight is Brett Daniels. He’s a magician. His YouTube audition is a bit old fashioned compared to the magic that does well on this show. There were also a lot of edits in that video that leads me to believe it was a composite of many many takes to get the steps to look right.
Brett Daniels is doing a trick for Marilyn Monroe. A portrait with a curtain hangs over the stage of Marilyn. He drops the curtain on her and shows how he manipulates the mat. The appearance of Marilyn was nicely done, but he’s already screwed up. Now they’re dancing and not doing magic. A little action would be nice. There’s not a whole lot of tricks. Piers X’d him. Marilyn is going to be thrown back into the frame. It’s all very slow. 1 X.
OMG It’s a PUPPY!!!! Ahem. Excuse me.
Up third tonight is Gabe Rocks. He’s a bulldog. His audition video is just a bunch of tricks his owner taught him, like flushing the toilet and mounting a rocking horse. I hope they figured out how to actually turn this into an act so they have a chance to not make fools of themselves. The puppy is adorable. I can haz?
The stage is filled with agility poles, a cutout of Piers Morgan, a box with an X on it, and the rocking horse. It’s a western-themed show starting with Gabe on the rocking horse. Winner. Million dollar act. End the contest now. Agility poles. Aww…he just X’d Piers. He just lifted his leg on Piers. Piers X’d him. Now he’s going to skateboard across the stage. Best audition ever. 1 X from the animal hater.
Aeon is up next. It is a parkour team. I don’t see this going well. Their audition video tells a story, but it’s still parkour on a stage. The danger and excitement are toned down tremendously when it’s all safe structures and lower difficulties.
The stage has some scaffolding and some kind of futuristic/street hybrid costumes and setting. They’re flipping all over the place now. There are six back up dancers. The act is as unfocused as Yellow Designs Stunt Team last week. The camerawork, again, is not helping. It’s disjointed without good flow. Parkour is nothing without flow. The ring work is better than the parkour, but that’s not what they’re here for. 1 X from Piers. Just an odd audition. 1 X.
Next is Breena Bell. She’s a child dancer/acrobat but the show is calling her a contortionist. Her audition is cute. I don’t want to speak ill of a child that young. She’s very good for her age and her gymnastics are strong.
She is wearing a bright yellow dress with a red star on it. She opens by raising her leg to her head while tumbling on steps. It’s adorable. She’s performing to “Walking on Sunshine” and lips syncing. It’s a very well-choreographed and age appropriate routine. How refreshing for this show. Plus, she’s mad talented at tumbling and contortions. Now she’s doing aerials. Of course Piers X’s her. He’s mean. He won’t X horrid child acts but always X’s the good ones who aren’t plants. 1 X.
Kevin Colis is next. He is a white guy with a guitar. He is, by that virtue alone, the favorite to win the show if you judge it by American Idol and other audience vote-based reality shows. He’s pretty good, too, compared to the other adult singers this season and even the other white guys with guitars.
He’s doing that Bruno Mars song about doing nothing. The stage is just a bunch of trunks and he’s accompanying himself on guitar. He’s having pitch problems. It’s the curse of the in-ear monitors. He also isn’t changing his face beyond a big goofy grin. That’s a theme tonight. He’s talented. He just needed more stage experience before this. It might be enough to get through tonight. No X’s.
Beth Ann Robinson is up. She is a teenage acrobatic dancer. Her audition video is solid. Very intriguing body positions on some tired moves that make it seems fresh.
She starts the performance in a light-up cage dressed as a bird. It’s very dramatic and she’s a very talented dancer. She has an aesthetic already which is remarkable for a 14 year old girl. She commands the stage and has great flow between her moves. It might be just a bit too small for this large of a stage. They went very low-key on the production values with her. She’s better at this style than may of the older girls on So You Think You Can Dance?. She ends the performance back inside her cage. It’s beautiful. No X’s.
Next is Gymkana. This is an acrobatic team that does their act on two upright ladders. It’s breathtaking. I just wonder if they have more to offer than just hanging from different positions. It’s terribly difficult, but could grow boring quick if they move on.
They’re wearing black and silver costumes. They’ve added tumblers going off of trampolines to the ladder work. They’re performing to “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. They’re synchronicity is spot on tonight. The body shapes are much more interesting than the audition video. The girls on the ladders are doing much more stunt work and even the middle ladder guy is flipping around. It’s visually striking and should move them through to the semifinals without a problem. Brilliant audition. No X’s.
The next act is Kalani Basketball Freestlyle. He does basketball tricks. Think a solo version of the Harlem Globetrotters. It’s a blurry video that’s hard to watch. It’s also a spliced together audition of a bunch of different tricks.
There is a sci-fi feel to the act. There are dancing girls with green guns and sparkly green dresses onstage. Kalani seems to be struggling to get his flow going. They’re either trying to get him to do too much in one audition or he’s messing up. Now he’s juggling basketballs. He’s not giving good face. It’s another plastered on grin broken up by open mouth concentration. Drops the ball and Piers X’s him. No surprise. 1 X.
West Springfield Dance Team is up. They’re a huge high school dance crew. Their YouTube audition video is a slick routine themed around The Matrix. It’s performed to perfection. Can they repeat that quality of performance tonight?
There’s a great dark vibe about their dancing and I love it. The backdrop is running red code-like imagery. They are doing a segment of their full Matrix routine and it looks great. It’s just so different from what we’ve had on the show before. They might just break into the next round despite the plethora of dancers already on the show. No X’s.
Next is Matt Wilhelm. He is a bike stunt artist. His YouTube audition was pretty cool. He wore a black body suit and did his tricks on a blacklight-reactive bicycle. The result was bike tricks that seemed to perform themselves. He also won the audience vote guaranteeing him a spot on the live show.
Is America tired of blacklight yet? The bike is moving seemingly by itself. The crowd is already into this clapping along to a techno “In the Hall of the Mountain King.” The bike doesn’t seem to be moving too much. It’s not big enough for this stage. He’s wearing some kind of blacklight paint splattered body suit and doing tricks on an invisible bike. Now the red bike is back. He needs more people to perform with. That will make this work. He’s very talented at this stuff, but it’s too small for Vegas. No X’s.
Closing out the night is Powerhouse. They’re a show choir. Take that for what it’s worth. I wasn’t that impressed by their audition video. Maybe they’ll do better live.
They’re singing “Firework” by Katy Perry. It’s a sped up version. It’s everything you expect from cheesy show choir performances. The kids are sloppy on their choreography. The harmonies aren’t balanced because of the microphones. The costumes are atrocious. Their palms are glowing as their solo sing goes very sharp on the bridge. Howie X’s them. Thank you, Howie. Now their are fireworks. The kids are freestyling in between up with people moves. Now you know why Glee doesn’t do actual show choir stuff. 1 X.
Personal Ranking:
- Gymkana
- Beth Ann Robinson
- West Springfield Dance Team
- Gabe Rocks
- Breena Bell
- Kevin Colis
- Matt Wilhelm
- Aeon
- Kalani Freestyle Basketball
- Brett Daniels
- TNC Elite
- Powerhouse
Predictions:
- Gymkana
- Kevin Colis
- Gabe Rocks
- West Springfield Dance Team
Alternate: Matt Wilhelm. I don’t want to face that dog not moving on. I will not have fun tomorrow night.
Great show tonight. Piers did not disappoint in ripping people to shreds just because he didn’t discover them. Who was your favorite of the night? I loved Gabe Rocks, but have to go with Gymkana’s perfection and artistry.
