Monthly Archives: July 2009

Web

AugShoStoMo, or I’ve Been Slacking on my Writing

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I would think the people that trickle in here know NaNoWriMo, which cruelly starts the day after Halloween, meaning my mind doesn't get a break from Mid-July to December 1.

However, since my arguably successful since I hit 50,000 but was so depressed with the poor quality that I deleted all but the first 5,000 words and never confirmed with NaNoWriMo, I haven't really written anything. Obviously, the decline and untimely death of my director and mentor played a role in this. I've milked it too long.

So, starting August 1, I have a personal marathon challenge to celebrate: AugShoStoMo. AugShoStoMo refers to August Short Story Month and entails my lazy butt hacking, slashing, and dashing my way through 10 new short stories by the end of the month. I'm also requiring myself to at least do surface editing and still wind up with 3000+ word stories, a total I rarely reach with my flash-fiction writing self. For the non-mathematicians, that's roughly 1 story every 3 days.

Want to join me? Feel free. I ain't confirming anyone else's output and I ain't reading anyone else's work till December.

This will, of course, be followed by RobWriMusMo (Robert Write the *%&@ing Musical already Month), OSHaMo (Oh Shizzy Halloween Month), and NaNoWriMo.

Art

House Haunt 2009: Twas Brilig, Naturally

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If it's scary when the Muppets do it in a joking manner, who knows what twisted stuff I'll come up with?

Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll has long been one of my favorite poems. Elizabeth Swados' version for Alice in Concert/At the Palace places Alice (Meryl Streep) as the Jabberwock slayer, while Disney lets the Cheshire Cat look more insane with a nonsense song.

The best part is how many effects I could justifiable start working on to really sell the scene, like a laser vortex for behind the Jabberwock, a flying crank ghost modification for the fearsome JubJub bird, or a tree stump trauma for another critter to pop out of and scare the chirren. I can even bust out some standbys like the giant spiderweb or flickering glowing letters warning of the danger. I might even try to do an endless tunnel/bottomless pit set up with Alice attempting to escape something. 

95 days to go and I have a solid theme. Much better than my Forgotten Works of Edgar Allan Poe concept I was considering since November 1. Much better.

Film

Seeing a Preview of Nine, or How To Lose Friends and Alienate People on Twitter

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I haven’t had a Twitter drop this big since I live-twittered the Oscars on a bet from a friend.

Apparently, some might find the message “Suck it! I get to see a preview screening of Nine on Monday. NJ rules!” as, direct quote, a “horrific attitude” or, another direct quote, “blatantly offensive, faggot.” Touche, indeed.

But, drops be damned, I’m still seeing Nine on Monday before most of y’all. As per this company’s screenings policy, I probably can’t actually say a single thing about the movie. I know better than to even try to keep my cellphone or any writing implements on me lest I ruin the entire film economy with a photo or stray note.

The fun part is I wasn’t aware that that particular multiplex at a mall was doing preview screenings like this. That’s a lie. The fun part was seeing my old friend the intern still doing the exact same job three years later, only outside of NYC. He kept ignoring me as I asked him about the screening, so I had to go to the much ruder guy that “fucking hates this shit.”

So, my sincere apologies to those offended by “suck it.” I’ll be sure to watch my fucking potty mouth because I was raised properly in a drinking Catholic household.

PS: The cursing is because of Orphan. Damn impressionable 23 year old mind being corrupted by one of the best cast horror films I’ve seen get a wide release in years.

PPS: The twist makes perfect sense in the movie. It’s not stupid. It’s quite clever and horribly misrepresented on film message boards. The biggest fault is not the twist but the ham-fisted stereotypical quasi-slasher-esque ending, not the twist preceding those events. Even then, it’s slick and well made and will probably wind up in many categories on my year end line-up, including Score, Sound Mixing, Cinematography, and probably Supporting Actor for Peter Saarsgard; those Nine bitches be stealing too many slots lest the film is a horrible disaster for Vera Farmiga to waltz into Best Actress and Isabella Furhmar to twist and shout her way into category fraud of Supporting Actress. Shoot, I’d give a second thought to CCH Pounder and Aryana Engier for Supporting Actress and Jimmy Bennet for Supporting Actor.

PPPS: The parts are that baity, my friends, a rarity for the horror genre, especially with children being focused on. Why, that hasn’t really happened since…The Bad Seed. Come on, Academy, 10 Best Picture Nominees. If not Coraline, why not Orphan?

PPPPS: No, really, I’m sorry to lose the Twitter followers. I’m also not a jerk, so I’m not going to drop people for dropping me. I only drop prostitutes, amateur porn stars, and spammers.

PPPPPS: I really should have just used footnotes and one PS. Whoopsies.

PPPPPPS: Nine, people. I’m allowed to be excited. I know someone who wants to get in on the action:

Anytime, Jane. Anytime.

Games

Introducing: Gaga Ball

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And on the ninth day, God created Gaga Ball, so that evil children could get their comeuppance with a painful play date in a box with a dodgeball.

My friends, I have been inducted into a new game that makes my life happy. It is called Gaga Ball. A group of people, lets say bitter camp counselors/specialists/admin and vicious campers, enter a walled in arena with a concrete (now rubber, pansies kept getting hurt and complaining) floor and a dodge ball. The object is to hit the other people in the pit, as its called, with the dodgeball below the knee. The winner is the last one standing. And the losers are the ones covered in cuts and bruises bitching about how much it hurts to be smashed in the shin with a dodgeball bounced off of concrete.

So, basically, someone at my camp is paid as much as me to wail on kids with dodgeballs all day.

It’s sublime. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a sport more in my life. I’m trying to figure out how to build my own pit in the backyard to wail on unsuspecting guests. It’s that fun. And, even better, I made some college athletes not want to play anymore because the music and drama guy beat them. Almost tops beating the softball specialist at arcade basketball and watching her storm away in a cloud of rage.

Here’s a video that I believe gets the point across.

Bring the pain.

Music

An Open Post to Disney

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Dear Disney,

Listen, we know the company has had a checkered past with intended and unintended racism. You all admit that yourselves by refusing to release Songs of the South on home video/DVD in the US. We get it: you're sorry.

However, reconstructing your history to bend it away from the original content isn't exactly going to do you favors.

For example, in the licensed Hal Leonard "Fake Book" of your songs, the cute but incredibly racist because it is sung by characters actually labeled in the credits as "Jim Crows" song "When I See an Elephant Fly" from Dumbo, the lyrics to the song have been changed to reflect a more traditional pronunciation. This includes "I've seen about everything when I've seen an elephant fly" rather than the stereotypical Jim Crow "Well I been done seen about everything when I see a elephant fly." It's not that simple when, again, the characters are not just crows, but "Jim Crows" as per the credits.


Furthermore, it's quite clearly scat-language in The Jungle Book's "I Wanna Be Like You," is not "Ooo ooo ooo (eee eee eee) I want to be like you-ooo-ooo (eee eee eee)":

While I could have assumed this might have just been an editorial decision, the fact is other modern Disney sheet music books with full, choral, and/or simplified arrangements make the same changes.

On the plus side, your company smartly licenses every song in Peter Pan but "What Makes the Red Man Red."

At least you make some smart decisions.

Your concerned fan,

Robert

Music

Elizabeth Mitchell’s “You Are My…” Children’s Album Series

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I knew about Elizabeth Mitchell’s Children’s albums. I remember proofing a review of You Are My Little Bird when it first came out for a friend. Yet, whenever I have to work with little-bitty children, I always forget.

My job’s easy now. Pick one of the songs, adjust the arrangement to work at a sports camp, and poof! – instant music lesson. I can work on rhythm, movement, acting, singing, instruments, dance, and games if I use the stuff right.

And a major plus: I don’t feel like drowning myself in the lake I do on a “I want High School Musical” day. The horror….the horror…

Mitchell records accessible folk music with wit and style to spare. The melodies and singing appeal to young children, and the nuances appeal to a more mature audience.


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Vintage Sketchy Details

What I Love About the 2009 Emmy Award Nominations

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The 2009 Emmy Award Nominations came out last week and I'm pretty excited for a few different things. I'm not as big a TV watcher as I used to be, though I do religiously follow some shows like Mad Men, Pushing Daisies (sniff), and classy-reality TV.

Here are a few of what I consider the highlights of a surprising set of nominations:

1. Mad Men sweeps Dramatic Writing…almost: Nabbing multiple nominations in a category can be difficult. Fortunately, Mad Men – probably the best show you're not watching every week like you should – is that well made and intelligent. Matt Weiner's pet project filled 4 of the 5 slots this year, which only makes me wonder why my professor Bridget Bedard got shut out last year. Sure, she co-won the Writer's Guild Award for the debut season, but Matt Weiner purposely submitted her mostly-solo episode as one of the elligible shows because he was convinced she would win (hence why he changed a few lines and added his name). But I digress. Congratulations on the almost-sweep, Mr. Weiner – you deserve it.

2. Sarah Silverman is Magic: Probably the closest thing to a sitcom I watched regularly was The Sarah Silverman Program. I've been hooked on her since I caught a screening of her film Jesus is Magic and consistently find myself engaged by the entire cast's screen presence, charm, and timing. It's incredible to me that in a year where Tracey Ullman could conceivably have been nominated for playing everyone in America, Sarah Silverman is up for Leading Actress in a Comedy for playing Sarah Silverman. It's bittersweet, as the show should have easily gotten in for writing and arguably for the wonderfully natural performance of Sarah's real life sister Laura in Supporting Actress, but I'll take it. Hopefully this might help ensure a season 3 or even bigger and better roles for Sarah Silverman.

3. And Elisabeth Moss Gets In, Too: Now we just need Christina Hendricks and Vincent Kartheiser to get one of the big nominations for Season 3 of Mad Men and all the major players will have been nominated for fantastic work; of course, by then, more of the office players will almost assuredly have juicy meaty moments as Matt Weiner's no dummy. Moss as Peggy Olson is stunning. I was not the only one surprised that she did not receive Golden Globe or Emmy nominations for her work on the show up till now; shoot, I doubt I'm not the only one who was surprised she was passed up for a fantastic performance in Broadway's Speed-the-Plow revival. But the drought is over: Moss gets in, joining Golden Globe nominee Jones, Emmy/Globe winning Jon Hamm, and Emmy/Globe nominee John Slatterly on the Mad Men big-award acting spree.

4. Family Guy and The Flintstones: While much ire has been cast over Family Guy's inclusion in Comedy Series (what, too many weed and queef jokes in Sarah Silverman? funny racist humor in State of the Union?), I'm excited. Animation seems to be slowly but surely gaining credibility in America and Family Guy's nomination is the latest step in adults recognizing the relevance of the medium to those more than a few years out of diapers. With the submitted episodes, it would seem the bird is the word as the Annies went mad over I Dream of Jesus. This does not mean that The Simpsons is considered an inferior show: tastes change, and animation is on the rise. It's not a slight to Matt and Trey that 10 minutes of Surfin' Bird got in over a tightly wound parable on the American economy. It is what it is: Family Guy is nominated in a category it most likely will not win, but the nomination might open the door for superior animated fair like American Dad or South Park to squeeze in down the line.

5. MacFarlane Must have Found the Golden Turd: American Dad, the better MacFarlane animated series, benefitted from Family Guy's crossover act, as it was finally nominated for Animated Series. The episode, 1600 Candles, is far from the best the series has produced, but it is very funny, at times touching, and rife with humor not dependent on a strong background in 80's films and television programs. Watching Roger say "my fanny is so high in the air right now" or Steve scream "fi-yah! (fire)" are genuinely funny moments justified by the context of the scene. And the needle jokes don't grow old, either. Who knew that eliminating the ratings-killing golden turd multi-episode sub-plot would make that big a difference?

6. I Can Do Whatever I Want with my Tap-Dancing Condoleeza Rice: Listen, we all know it will take the single greatest awards ceremony man has ever known for the Tonys to be recognized at the Emmys ever again. So, I'll accept the multiple-nominations for You're Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush as a welcome substitution. A filmed Broadway show being nominated in more than special event? Get out. Wonderful. Very happy. Too bad that Passing Strange documentary/filmed stage show is doing the limited theatrical route before PBS airs it, as it could probably pull out more nominations.

7. Mythbusters? A Reality Series?…shhh…let's just go with it: A smart people show (nerd-programming, if you will) being nominated in Reality Programming? While that makes me think the category has too broad of a definition (Antique's Roadshow and Intervention and Kathy Griffin? really? all the same type of show?), seeing some love for one of my old stand-bys makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So, 7 reasons why I love the Emmy nominations. 8 if you count True Blood being mostly shut-out. I'm over vampires, and racous vampire sex isn't going to change that.

Announcements

I’m Back: The Exorcist, Bruno, Harry Potter, and Camp

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If ever the blog should fall again to people stealing my money, please to advise that I do have a twitter that would give you a pretty good idea what the topic would have been that day. I don't bite over that, and I do reciprocate following with non-spammers/non-pornstars/non-prostitutes.

1) I can't believe The Exorcist, the novel by William Peter Blatty, has sat unread on my shelf for at least 13 years, probably longer. I loved it. The only reason I put it down was because of work, as I was strongly cautioned not to bring the book back to work to read on my lunch break. Stupid spoiled kids. The novel is beautifully written, with slight shifts in style depending on whether the subject was Chris MacNiel, Damien Karras, or the police lieutenant. Very, very subtle technique to explore faith versus doubt, and terrifying, to boot. Far greater than the film, though there was no way to really capture that book as a film and really stay true to the material.

2) I also saw Bruno with my brother. I enjoyed it for what it was. Honestly, I went to see Cohen's acting and was not disappointed. Unlike Borat, the man did not break once, even when everything was consistently exploding in his face thanks to certain groups of people making it their mission to call out his stunts whenever they could find him and wreck his film. If these big events weren't almost all ruined and cut short, the film would have easily been better. What's left is a frenetic mix of gags more like Da Ali G show than a workable narrative film.

3) Harry Potter and the Curious Case of the Awful Romantic Comedy. Too much lovey-dovey, not enough batshit crazy Bellatrix. And I got my hopes up way too high after HBC was allowed to act in her first scene.

4) As I said on the Twitter, apparently some counselors that don't like me from last year have taught their kids a simple way to tell the difference between me and another specialist: he's the chubby one, I'm the fat one. Now, let's go a little deeper: the "chubby" one is a lacrosse player for a major American university – he is jacked, very tan, and three inches taller than me; there is no way you could call him chubby. I'm exceptionally pale, chubby, shorter, and stay inside a cabin all day playing keyboard, guitar, wind instruments, and percussion to programs surrounding Radio Disney. I think there were other ways to teach the kids our names and I'm this close to throwing the one who started it in the toxic lake with condoms floating in it. I don't think anyone would blame me.

There's also a horrible epidemic at the camp: counselors are being fired because parents are calling up to lie to the directors. In two weeks, at least 5 counselors have been kicked out for anything from "he was mean to me" to "she said I was a bad child." Here's the catch: there are at least 3 counselors traveling with every group of kids. Wouldn't it make sense to ask the other two counselors what happened instead of firing someone on the basis of a first grade's sense of reality? The camp is cheap; that's the real reason for the mysterious layoffs.

I've been informed by parents that I'm an awful human being running music and drama like a boot camp. How dare I ask their child to stand up and play limbo on the Luau Day, or to please stop punching my guitar because it could break? What a monster. I know. I'm a horrible, horrible person and should never work with children again. After all, it's just music and drama – one told me I'd have to be a fag to actually believe children needed arts.

And that's my life for the next four weeks. Wonderful. I'm no longer allowed to ask everyone to participate, as that's too much of an attack. I have to start the activity and work with whatever students decide to not try jumping out the windows or piss in the corner. Worst of all: my cabin is the same cabin as the office of the camp; they can clearly see I've done nothing wrong yet I keep getting dressed down because of anonymous complaints about music and drama being taught at all in a sports camp. I didn't make the position, and I'm not going to half-ass it and feel guilty that students interested won't be allowed to do anything.

Tomorrow, I'll show up again 30 minutes before they'll even pay me, be yelled at for showing up too early, then proceed to make sure all my personal equipment is set up and ready to go for the first group of spoiled children who are so special they are always right no matter what they do.